


i can fold it (don't be shocked)

by eulyhne_syios



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Awkward Romantic Situations, Awkward Sexual Situations (eventually...), Fluff and Humor, M/M, Possibly Crack idk, agust d who i only know jung jaehyun's tongue technology lmaoooooo, eventual smut probably, he loves tae but he tries too hard to be romantic, he still loves him tho, his birthday is valentine's day go figure lmaooo, jaehyun's trying okay give him an E for effort lmao, jung jaehyun is a hopeless romantic, lol just kidding seriously check out agust d by agust d issa bop for real tho, okay ive embarrassed myself enough in the tags bye lol, tae accepts it but finds it a little weird sometimes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-08 15:44:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15933530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eulyhne_syios/pseuds/eulyhne_syios
Summary: "I have a really flexible tongue"Oh, Lee Taeyong knows only too well.orEvery time Jaeyong happens privately and Jung Jaehyun's "tongue technology" (inevitably) makes its appearance





	1. taeyong learns a new language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, it's inspired by that one US interview where Jaehyun said "I have a really flexible tongue" and i basically choked on my own ahahahaha
> 
> originally gonna be a oneshot, but realized i can get pretty creative with this so i'll just update whenever i have a new idea haha (rated it E bc it will probably get a lot funnier once there's bedroom business *wiggles eyebrows fabulously*)

The first time happens when they’re making out in the car. Practice just ended and the rest of the members have gone off to get bubble tea. Jaehyun on the other hand, is taking his sweet ass time taking Taeyong to another century with the kinda shit he’s doing to his mouth, but then Taeyong feels him do something different —like _bad_ different and he breaks off, pushing him away.

 

“What —what’s wrong?”

 

“W-What was _that_ —” Taeyong gestures to his own tongue. “-your tongue was like, i-it was, um, uh, kinda…”

 

“Y-You don’t like it...?” He looks at him with those big sad puppydog eyes and Taeyong can’t bring himself to say that no, he did not like it, like, at all. So he tries to be nice and says:

 

“-Um, uh, I mean, it’s not _bad_ , but like —it’s so _different,_ like—

 

“-I know, I know!” Jaehyun looked at him excitedly, eyes lighting up. “-you know what I did, hyung?”

 

“-U-uh, no…”

 

He actually started feeling a little embarrassed now —maybe he missed out on something important. Was Jaehyun sending him messages from the future about the fate of mankind and the impending implosion of the universe —just through his _tongue—_? Holy shit.

 

“-Uh, uh, c-can you do it again then…?” Maybe he’d get it this time around —Taeyong already spoke Korean, English, Chinese, Japanese (and was secretly learning Spanish, French, Malay, German, Hindi, Arabic and Afrikaans for NCT’s 2020 World Tour with all 18 (and more) members), learning Jaehyun’s tongue language should be a piece of cake.

 

Should be. All he felt was moist tongue folding itself in all kinds of weird positions in his mouth and at one point Taeyong panicked and thought Jae’s tongue actually dislocated itself and split into six parts going in different directions —that’s when he pulls away, staring at him like he’s seen a ghost.

 

“Are you _trying_ to extract the gold in my teeth or something —Jaehyun, _what_ are you _doing—_

 

“Y-You have gold in your teeth, hyung? I always thought your teeth were fine th—

 

“-Not that _I_ know about, but who knows —anyways, _what_ are you _doing…_?”

 

The other sighed and pulled back a bit further away from him, disappointed, flushing a little from embarrassment. He tried so hard to be romantic and he thought Taeyong would understand, like they had some secret language or something, but maybe that was all bullshit. _Screw you, Ryan Gosling. You too, Colin Firth. And young Hugh Grant._ Love, actually? Maybe love actually was a lie.

 

“Taeyong.” He said sulkily. It was so much less romantic when you had to explain it. “-I was spelling out your name with my tongue in your mouth…”

 

“Wait... _what…_?” He squinted at him, still confused. “-okay, like, were you like tracing my name into my mouth or—

 

“ _No, no, no_ , _no…_ ” Jaehyun glared at him exasperatedly. “-that’s too _easy_ —I wanted to _impress_ you, okay, so I _folded_ and _curled_ my tongue into each _letter_ of your name—

 

“-in _English_ —

 

“-B-but I can do _Korean_ if you’re into that more!” He insisted, grabbing his hands, eyes lighting up again. “-I’m actually learning how to do it in Sanskrit too because, like, it’s a forgotten language and resurrecting lost languages is _so_ romantic, right—

 

“-Jaehyun, Jaehyun, Jaehyun stop.” Taeyong pleaded, overwhelmed. “-please, it’s too much all at once. Okay, you know what —every time we make out —just do one letter,”

 

“Just one letter? Like over and over again?”

 

“...yeah, _sure_ …” He shrugged, helplessly. Taeyong looked out the window —a seagull had pooped on their car and the uric acid bits seemed to spell  _saranghae_   —he blinked and breathed a sigh of relief when he looked again and it was just poop. Thank God. He thought he was going insane.

 

“But that’s like so weird —when I’m repeating “a” it’ll just sound like I’m screaming _Aaaaaaaaaaa_ silently in your mouth…”

 

“Only you will know that.” Taeyong reminded him. Then he adds: “-o-only _we_ will know that…”

 

He looks out the window again and sees a plastic bag drift past them and as the wind blows through it Taeyong swears he heard it whisper  _saranghae_. He wondered if Jaehyun could hear how hard his heart was pounding now (from undiluted fear), but then he realized he could probably disguise it as undying love or some shit.

 

Realization floods Jaehyun’s face and his eyes swell with compassion.

 

“That _is_ so romantic…” Taeyong turns to smile at him, but now he was just looking past him and out the other window— 

 

—the gaps between the branches of the tree outside were now spelling  _saranghae_ and as the wind blew the gaps changed so the letters got larger and larger and before the horrifying message of love engulfed him Taeyong yanked Jaehyun by the collar and kissed him so hard he felt his mouth bruise—

 

...as he reminded himself he really needed to stop watching shit like  _The Ring_ at night (by himself, because Jae hated that crap) —they were starting to merge with all the romcoms Jaehyun forced them to watch together and Taeyong never realized how truly terrifying romantic horror could be —until now.

 

Of course, Jaehyun doesn't know this at all and thinks the other's just being sweet and finally showing some appreciation for him.

 

So Taeyong really did understand. He really fell in love with the right guy.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hoping that if i type NCT 2020 World Tour (including Canada) in (online) print, i can bring it into fruition*
> 
> *in xuxi's voice* WE GOTTA DREAM, MAN


	2. taeyong gets a birthday present (he never knew he wanted)

“Okay, keep your eyes closed…and _no peeking..._ ”

 

Jaehyun holds his hands over Taeyong’s face so he can’t see. They’re back at their hotel in LA where they’re rooming together and Jae’s switched off all the lights (but it’s the middle of the afternoon so it’s really not that dark —he really should’ve held on until the evening but Jaehyun couldn’t wait anymore)

 

“O-Okay...um, wait...what’s that _smell_ …?”

 

“Shhh...Just wait, and you’ll see!”

 

He sounded like some overblown Disney prince and Taeyong didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or cry. Every time Jaehyun showed him _a whole new world_ —it always just ended up making him think Jae had _some friends from the other side._ Seriously, this tongue business was beyond freaky but every other part of the guy (and by every, he meant _every_ …) was literally out of a fairy-tale.

 

So Taeyong accepts him for that. All that weird shit. Probably.

 

As Jaehyun pulls his hands away, Taeyong winces — _Shit_ he got an eyelash in his eye —felt like someone pushed a _needle_ through it, backs away and almost trips on a chair — stumbles blindly into the bathroom, knocking into basically everything that had a hard edge.

 

Grimacing from the obvious bruises that would appear on his thighs later, Taeyong flicks on the light and shoves his face as close to the mirror as he can. There. Right around the lower portion of his right eyeball, maybe half a centimeter left of his cornea was the perpetrator —and it was quite large too, dark and thick enough that he easily picked it out with a clean finger.

 

But then he blinks and winces again — _Shit,_ there was still another one and he opens his eye again, pulling the lids back with both hands and this time he thinks he’s going crazy because he doesn’t see anything. He cranes his neck in all sorts of positions so the light hits his eye differently but still there’s nothing. Then when he’s not looking directly at his eye, he sees it.

 

There. Right in the center of his pupil —crap, now slightly left of it because he blinked again, was single, tiny, impossibly thin blonde hair.

 

_What?_

 

Taeyong had never been a natural blond in his entire life —neither had Jaehyun (or _any_ of NCT for that matter) and he wondered in horror if all that hair dye was starting to fool his body into thinking that maybe he _was_ blond and what’s worse, he’d dyed his hair like, what, 36 times now —what if his eyelashes started growing in rainbow colours (and Jaehyun started collecting them for some weird ritual he didn’t know about…?)

 

“Taeyong, you alright?”

 

He jumps — _God, don’t ask him for help_ —whenever he asked him for help it always ended up being—

 

“Oh, no, no, it’s fine —I just got an eyelash in my eye, I’m getting it out, _right now_ , actually…”

 

He turns to the mirror again but each time he tried to pick it out with his fingertip he just seemed to—

 

“-You’re making it go deeper.” Taeyong shouts, almost poking his eye out. He turns around and looks at Jaehyun irritably, regrets what he says next. “-got any idea how to _help_ me, then—?”

 

“Yeah, don’t move. Okay, just stay very still…” He leans in like an eye surgeon (did those exist, Taeyong wondered, because Jaehyun really looked like one right now with his white collared shirt, pressed pants and serious gaze). Taeyong holds still as Jae brings his face closer —thinking he just wanted to see it better —then gasps and smacks him away when he realizes what he’s trying to do.

 

“Taeyong, please, I can tell you that my tongue is far gentler and more dexterous than your fi—

 

“-If you put your tongue anywhere _near_ my eye, Jaehyun, I swear to God, I will call the _police_ —

 

“-Taeyong, if you leave that in your eye long enough, you’ll have to call the hospital —I don’t see the difference—

 

“-Jaehyun, I’ve forgotten most of high school biology but I can be _certain_ that there is more bacteria on your _tongue_ than on my finger that I’ve _just_ washed four times with soap as well as with my personal hand sanitizer—

 

“-You know that’s really bad for your skin…”

 

“-If you _lick_ the eyelash out of my eye —I will probably get an _infection_ , which is really bad for my _life expectancy—_

 

“-Okay, Taeyong, look, I just wanna help, because it’s my fault. If you wanna disinfect my tongue with hand sanitizer —dunno how that works because it’s _hand_ sanitizer and not _tongue_ sanitizer, go ahead.”

 

Taeyong looks at him wordlessly, almost impressed. He wants to say no, but it's really painful now —his eye has started to tear up, his vision's all blurry on one side and he feels like he might start crying for real if he doesn't—

 

“Are you serious...?”

 

“Yeah." He nodded, dead serious. "-I would do that for you, hyung. Because I lo—

 

“-Open your mouth.” Now was not the time for a love confession —Jaehyun already made it painfully clear a number of times and Taeyong kinda wished he would chill, like for a second.

 

He squirts a generous dollop of the translucent orangish gel on Jaehyun’s tongue, the other making a sound of surprise.

 

“Oh. Tastes tropical.” Barely understands him because his tongue is out —all his _t’s_ sounded like _th’s_ , but he doesn’t seem too upset. Then he makes an icky face. “-ugh, getting bitter, hurry up —spread it around and dilute it.”

 

“-C-Can’t you do that yourself—

 

“-I might swallow it —this is non-toxic, right?” He chuckles weirdly, tongue still out. “-cause if not that would be really bad for _my_ life expectancy, haha…”

 

“Jaehyun, you’re so tragic…” Taeyong mutters as he smooths out hand sanitizer —it was non-toxic but there _was_ alcohol in it, then he remembers Jaehyun’s actually quite good at holding his liquor—apparently two full bottles was no issue, so he had nothing to worry about.

 

“Don’t be shocked.” Jaehyun says in English as he leaned closer and Taeyong sighed as he held his eye open — _Don’t tell me that, idiot —you know every time you do some shit with your tongue I feel like the Devil has—_

 

_“Oh, f—_

 

He doesn’t know how to describe the feeling when Jaehyun’s tongue touches his eye, but it was really, really odd, like if someone reached out and grabbed his throat from the inside of his body and he tries to hold still as he feels it slowly leave his eye again. Then he breathes and blinks again.

 

Oh, thank God —the eyelash is gone.

 

“Good?”

 

“Yeah, thanks." He sighs, still collecting himself, brushing off his pants. "-seriously.”

 

“No problem. I’m just gonna—”  Jaehyun slurs, turns on the tap. “-wash this stuff off now, haha.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, you do that.” Then a strange feeling slowly spreads around his eyeball and then Taeyong suddenly remembers — _oh_ , _shit, hand sanitizer has alcohol in it and alcohol fucking bur—_

 

He shoves Jaehyun out of the way, apologizing in jumbled Korean as he jams his head under the running water, turning it to fast and freezing, throat pounding, panting, as the last of the fire finally fades off. Turns off the tap, wipes his face on a nearby towel. Still panting.

 

“You okay now?”

 

“Yeah.” He breathes. “-sorry, I almost shoved you into the tub…”

 

“Don’t worry about it, hyung. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

 

“Thanks.” He looks at him, relieved. Jaehyun really was a good person.

 

“Hey, also.” His voice changed a little, curious. “-how’d that feel —you know, when I…”

 

“Oh…! Uh, um, it was kinda odd, but…” Taeyong looked to the side, not entirely comfortable with what he was about to say. “-uh, um, almost kinda...nice…?”

 

“Mmhm.” He seems to know it, though. Leans in to his ear. “-know why? The eye is actually a…” Did he just _bite_ his lip? “-an _erogenous_ zone, so it’s not unheard of for people to, um…”

 

Taeyong stared at him, unblinkingly.

 

“...are you _serious_ —?”

 

“Oh, yeah. Totally.” He pulls back, brushing something off his own hair. Looks at Taeyong again, a little timidly. “-s-some people are into it, you know. Do you wanna, um...maybe…?”

 

“U-Um, uh, no thanks, maybe not —y-you know, I’m still concerned about the whole _sanitation_ issue a-and—

 

“-Oh, okay, no worries —forget it then.” Jaehyun brushed it off, much to the other’s relief. He shoved his hands in his pockets, did small, awkward spin on his heel and gave Taeyong a backwards hug, resuming his usual self.

 

“Happy birthday.”

 

“Thanks.” Then he turns over to him. “-hey, wasn’t there something you wanted to show me earlier?”

 

“Oh, that was nothing much.” He shrugged. “-this was a lot better.”

 

It was sorta quiet for a while, them just staring at the bathroom lights reflecting off the shower tiles. Taeyong looks up at the tiny window near the ceiling, it's gotten dimmer, it was getting later in the day.

 

“Huh.” He thought about it again. “-erogenous zone, huh.”

 

“Mmhm.” Jaehyun gives him a light peck on the cheek, elbows still resting along his shoulders, as they make their way back to the main room. They look out the window, see the van’s already parked —they’ll have to go soon. “-learn a new thing every day, yeah?”

 

**...**

 

Sometime later in the evening, after their performance has ended, they’ve returned to their hotel room and Jaehyun has to tell him what the surprise was because Taeyong kept bugging him about it. It’s not that he really wanted to know what it was  —it’s that he has a nagging feeling Jae will forget about it and a week later Taeyong’ll end up finding something (that was probably once quite nice) in the process of rotting underneath the bed.

 

“Okay, so you know I’m no artist, so this probably doesn’t even look as good as I thought it did when I just finished it, but I tried, like, I really tried, okay, so at least pretend to like it…”

 

Taeyong rolled his eyes, looking at him pointedly.

 

“You _know_ I’ll like it no matter what it is, Jae. You don’t have to say stuff like that.”

 

“I know. I just wish it could’ve turned out a bit better…” He reaches under the bed (Taeyong soon learned that was his favourite spot to hide presents) and produced a large canvas sheet, dried stiff with some colours painted over it. Taeyong angles the lamp at the drawing so he can see it better.

 

It was honestly better than Jaehyun made it out to be.

 

Taeyong could tell what it was —it was a vibrantly re-imagined rendition of one of the early polaroids they took with each other, Jaehyun smiling into the camera as Tae bit the neck of his own hoodie. He can tell which one is him —he’s got the bright white hair while Jae has the mellower, sandy orange tone and their features are almost in the right position for him to recognize their faces.

 

“I know it came out kinda post-impressionistic —I had a really limited choice of colours —'cause, uh, I didn’t have time to buy edible paint so I just went to the grocery store and got a pack of food colouring…”

 

“It’s really good —seriously, I can tell it’s us.”

 

“Ah, really? You don’t need to flatter me that much…”

 

“You painted this?”

 

Jaehyun looked to the side.

 

“...with my tongue…”

 

“Oh, my—” Taeyong looks away, it’s just instinct —honestly it’s really impressive, but it just made him a little uneasy, it always did. “-hey, actually, I have some varnish in the closet…” He goes and retrieves it, takes the painting with him, goes out to the balcony and sprays it several times, waving it before coming back inside.

 

Finds a large Ziploc from his gym bag —he always brought extras for dirty clothes, seals the paper inside, goes over to slot it neatly in their mini fridge. Climbs back onto the bed, joining him again.

 

“I just wanna preserve it, you know. It’s nice.”

 

“Mmhm. And you also wanna keep the bugs from getting into it —’cause then they’ll crawl up the bed,” Jaehyun follows the path with his eyes, then smirks. “-and into your ass and mine.”

 

Taeyong snorts. Lightly punches him in the shoulder, but nods. Rests his head against Jae’s shoulder after a while. He knows him, he really does.

 

“I’m glad you like it, though.” He says sometime later, smiling.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha i feel like the humor is gonna be a lot lighter here than my lumark thing, it's just gonna be a lot of awkward fluff and humourous smut in no particular order lmaoooo


	3. taeyong has a long-ass day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'kay switched the rating to T for now bc the E is putting pressure on me to come up with a good smut idea and its stressing me out lmaoooo

 They’re eating churros under the umbrellas at a street food convention and Taeyong makes some annoyed sounds when he feels some of it get stuck between his teeth. He tries to hide it as satisfied sounds instead but Jaehyun notices and gestures to him with his chin.

 

“Hey. What is it?”

 

“There’s, um,” He’s still chewing. “-some churro stuck in my teeth, haha.”

 

Knowing Jaehyun though, no problem of Taeyong’s ever goes undealt with, so he looks to the side, wondering what kind of miracle solution it would be this time.

 

Jaehyun chuckles and gestures for him lean in.

 

“Here. Let me.” He wet his lips, then gestured with his chin again. “-pretend you’re kissing me.”

 

“What?”

 

“Or, don’t, haha. Actually, yeah, that’s a better idea —kiss me for real and I’ll do the rest.”

 

“Jae—

 

“-They don’t care about that stuff here. Nobody takes Trump seriously, come on —it’ll take two seconds.”

 

So Taeyong sighs, leans in until their faces meet. He’s still kinda scared though, doesn’t know if he’s waiting for someone to snap a picture, yell a slur or whatever, but nothing happens and then Jaehyun laughs, telling him to part his mouth more so he can have a better reach — _Yeah, right over there, I got it_ — _Alright other side, oh, it’s not so bad, okay, just that part_ — _uh huh, all done._

 

“Wow.” Taeyong said, after they pulled away. Jaehyun grins.

 

“I know.”

 

Later in the evening, they realize they had a little too much fun throughout the day and forgot something important. Like really important.

 

“God, why are we so stupid?” Taeyong grimaced.

 

They left their keycards in their hotel. Both of them.

 

Jaehyun laughs, shakes his head.

 

“Okay, I’m going down to front desk.”

 

“Hey, hey, hyung —look!”

 

Taeyong turns around, halfway to the elevator, sighs, seeing Jae craning his neck in a really awkward position right next to the doorknob.

 

“Jaehyun, what are you do—

 

Running over, he realizes Jae’s managed to flatten his tongue so it actually slid inside the keycard slot.

 

“Haha, look —ith fiths! I fith my thongue inthide the thlot—

 

“Jae, what the _f_ —

 

“Oh, my Goth —Thaeyong, ith thuck, ith thuck, _holy thit_ —  _Hey—!_   _Thae_ - _Thaeyong,_ where wou _going_ —

 

“- _Getting hotel admin_ — _you idiot_ —!” He hollered back, dashing to the elevator and disappearing to the first floor.

 

Roughly, ten long-ass minutes later, a very confused and tired employee is waving matcha tea bags over Jaehyun’s nose to calm him down so he can carefully slide his tongue back out. They wait another three minutes for the manager to keycard them back inside their hotel room.

 

Taeyong collapses on the bed, sissy-slaps Jaehyun away when he tries to kiss him.

 

“Go wash your mouth, please…”

 

As he hears the tap running, Jae calls.

 

“Woah —I think I swallowed a spider.”

 

“Oh, dear Jesus…”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> list of rejected ideas for jaehyun's tongue technology (with help from my brother)
> 
> 1\. being able rob a bank by folding his tongue into a gun  
> 2\. being able to communicate with cats with his tongue  
> 3\. being able to catch mosquitoes with his tongue (spit bombs lmao)  
> 4\. being able to water plants with his tongue  
> 5\. being able to fold dumplings with his tongue (sanitation issue)  
> 6\. being able to mold his tongue into a dick (dunno why that would be useful...also length would be an issue...)  
> 7\. being able to do pushups with just his tongue (really not trying at this point)  
> 8\. being able to put on Taeyong's makeup with his tongue  
> 9\. being able to open pickle jars with his tongue  
> 10\. being able to make origami and fold Barbie clothes with his tongue 
> 
> lmaooo we need help...


	4. taeyong goes to the pet store

“Aw, kyoooo~”

 

Taeyong crouches over at the rabbit section, the mother had just given birth to a bundle of baby bunnies last night, what’s even better —they opened a new section right next to it full of newborn chicks, tiny fluff balls of sunshine shuffling around in the hay —occasionally bumping into each other and falling over. He moves over and helps one of them get back up with a light push of his finger and almost dies from cuteness when it turns to him and peeps its gratitude. _Oh, my God, I wanna adopt all of you._

 

He fondly recalls his time on “Food Diary” and remembers how much joy he felt when his baby chicks finally hatched. _Good times, good times._

 

Taeyong looks over, Jaehyun was at the reptile section —he could only see the back of his head, but somehow he knew some shit was up. He sighed. _Better go check up on him before he performed, I dunno, iguana voodoo_ _and scared all the poor kids away._

“Jaehyun, what are you…”

 

But the other was in deep concentration, staring intensely at the cobra behind the glass who appeared equally enamored by the man before it. _Well,_ Taeyong thought, _he wasn’t one of NCT’s top visuals for nothing._

 

He must’ve gotten distracted for some time, eyes drawn back to the fluffy section because when Taeyong looked again, Jaehyun was swaying his neck mystically and his tongue was out (yet again).

 

“Jesus, Jae —there’s _kids_ here—

 

“-Loog, loog, hyung —I’m _conthrolling_ him with my _thongue_ — _I am Hung Haehyun, hee hwone hand honly hhhobwa whithperer…_ ”

 

Taeyong looks at him with utter disgrace as his tongue repeated everything (and more) that it had first done inside his mouth when they’d made out in that car —the cobra following the bizarre dance with rampant fascination. _Dear God. That reptile was being scarred and it didn’t even know it. Poor, unknowing animal._

 

“Mommy, why does that man have three tongues?”

 

“Oh, no, son —don’t look.” 

 

A few moments later, the lady moves over to them, placing a hand on Taeyong’s shoulder.

 

“E-Excuse me, sir, sorry but could you, um, please take your, uh, son somewhere else —I’m a little concerned for my child...”

 

**...**

 

Back at the hotel, Jaehyun lays on the bed, sockfeet planted on the carpet, peering over at Taeyong in a chair, hand on his forehead.

 

“I mean, I really don’t think it was  _that_ bad—

 

_“-She called you my son.”_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmaooo pls save me from this shit (...actually don't)


End file.
